1,728 Chances to Get It Right

Okay, I'll confess I'm one of those. As of today I've a racked up 1,728 readings between Tarot.com and LotusTarot.com. I know what you must be thinking that I'm a bit of a nutcase and you would be right. I know how it sounds letting a computer generated program give me advice on my life but there are some days it helps. Really.

You see I spend most of my days flirting with niggling concerns, picking fruitless worries, and watching out for anything that I could be blamed for missing. It might sound like a difficult way to live but I've grown used to myself. On a good day I can take this negative engery and use it to fix problems, plan for different outcomes, and prepare for the future. On bad days, Tarot cards, IChing, and astrology readings distract me from myself and keep my mind from running away with me. I'm a creative gal and if I'm not focused the gambit of fears I can so effortlessly whip up will run me straight into the nearest brick wall.

It wouldn't be correct to say I believe in this stuff, not like I believe in Love, Beauty, or Justice, but they do help redirect me. I'm trying to come to terms with my Idealism and how it gets in the way of my just being human. I can be a harsh judge of myself and the creatures that live in my world. I have in many checklists detailing how people "should" be but the real world works doesn't work this way. All my efforts to be optimistic, kind and patient  just as often morph into frustration, anger, and blame when the world doesn't live up to my expections. I don't like to admit that but it's true.

Although my life isn't that extreme, this tentative balance between my perception and the world around me is daily undertaking. Take today. I've thought about writing this post for a while now and of course I flip-flopped between what I thought the dire conclusions people would come to, so I did a reading about it. Here's what the 2-card "Letting Go" reading from LotusTarot had to say...

Card 1 (The Star): What you should consider letting go of
... is your lack of self-belief and self doubt. You may be feeling tense and lacking in confidence due to past failures, the future is bright and you will receive good luck.

Card 2 (2 of Wands) : What you will gain
... is a harmonious and prosperous partnership, this could be a professional or personal relationship. This is a time of great potential in all areas of your life.

Shit. They nailed me. It's just what I needed to read to move forward and start writing. I know it might sound silly but think about all the ways we make decisions in life. How often are our actions really rational and objective? We react to symbols and intuition. We move towards what feels right or move away from things that we don't feel we deserve. If a few well played cards can move us towards happiness then why not.
 
I know that about one-third of my circle of friends will "get" what I'm talking about and not think that I'm too crazy. Some will shrug and say, "There she goes again." Others will snort with a bit of disdain but I don't mind. In the end I know that I'm the answer to my problems. I take responsiblity to act or not to act and pay the consquences either way.
 
In other words, I can choose to play the cards I'm dealt or I can reshuffle the deck until I get the cards I want. It's all in the way you play the game.
 

It Hurts to Be Human

This is my dad. I miss him today. That's really all there is to say but somehow I feel so full of emotion that I need to put some of it here.

It's amazing how we can hold someone so close to our hearts but still remember all the hurts and pain that was inherent in the relationship. It's hard to embrace the humanity of it all. We rise and fall. We succeed and fail. We hurt others and they hurt us.

But in the end we connect. We want to bridge the pain and celebrate the love. But it can be hard. It hurts.