The Tower card represents my life right now. As violent as it looks, it can be a good place. It means that structures that no longer work for me are being distroyed, dismantled and burned to the ground. I welcome the change. I've been here many times as I've wandered my path. Family, friends, drinking, work, health and nature have all fallen hundreds of times.
My first tower was built to protect me from the energies of the world around me. To protect me from being consumed by the sadness and confusion I saw at every turn. I built the wall as solidly as I could. Then drinking brought it down to rubble. I quickly picked up the rubble and built it up again. But this time, a little bit of light passed through the broken gaps. The walls were still strong but some light got in.
Over time the walls fell again and I built them up again. Each time a little more light passed through the shattered stone. Sometimes they fell when I realized something good about myself and it broke through the tower of self-tortured illusions. Sometimes it fell when the realization of loss reared its ugly head. Today its falling because I realize I want to go home. I want to be free from the cycle of destruction and resurrection.
I'm being freed from this tower so I can go home. It's a much shorter fall, the stones aren't that big anymore. I'm tired of my own bull and I'm ready to let go. I want to come home to myself and come down from the dingy ivory tower I thought was the life I was supposed to live. I'm sure when I arrive I'll build another tower of sorts out in my own psychic backyard. No, perhaps I'll build a gazebo instead. That way I get the structure but the light still comes in.
Well, where do I start? I am filled with so much emotion from reading your words that I have to stop and breathe. The best place to start is in the gazebo. I feel air blowing through my hair, and smell the flowers all around me and I am wrapped inside the most incredible warm light that I have ever felt. The light shines through the gazebo, just as your light shines as clear as the night stars. Not sure what to say; now that's a first for me. :) What I can say is that this will be the year that we learn to live our true selves. Let us find the "twirler" inside of us and let us laugh out loud until our bellies hurt. May you recognize the beauty inside and know that the journey you have taken was to arrive here.... in this time, as a writer, as a free spirit, as a friend, as wife and as yourself, just yourself because that my friend is good enough.... Let the tower fall and the light shine through, "the best is yet to come"
ReplyDeletelove to you..... anita
Message received ;-) Off to the gazebo.
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