Wiseass Woman

Okay, I’ll be honest I have no clue as to what draws me into wanting to be a free-spirited-entrepreneur-successful business type woman. The only answer I have is that I am searching for some kind of freedom from myself and for myself. I have no idea what it looks like. I can’t visualize myself doing it. I only get strange picture-moments of when it happens. I want to find ways to make it happen more often.

The problem is that I have developed a peculiar personality. One part of me values integrity, independence and self-expression and the other part seeks service, community and conformity. The freedom I’m looking for is a way to find a fluid and natural way to be both. To float from one state of being to another and to surround myself with people who don't mind that change in wavelength.

When new ideas, jobs, or projects enter my life its like a pebble dropping into my sub-conscious. All of a sudden ideas radiate from me in ever expanding circles. I can’t stop it from happening any more than stopping myself from breathing. When the ripples are close to the center of the splash everything is usually fine but as a tides move out into my external world they encompass more ideas. That’s when the problems start. On the job I get told that the ripples are invading someone else’s pond. When working on freelance project, I see possibilities that clients haven’t even considered. I see more and more ideas that, like the ripples, stem from the same source but build into expanding patterns on the surface. They are full and complete but fleeting. I can’t capture them all and I get overwhelmed. I get frustrated when I try to explain the beauty of them. When I get frustrated I get misunderstood. I become ineffectual and I sabotage my success.

So what am I supposed to do with myself? Should I conform or create? Should I serve my fellow man or seek my own vision? I try to conform to the world around me but it seems stilted and cold. All I see around me are complex attempts to manipulate people into reacting to a stimulus rather than motivating people to a response.

So I try to conform to today’s business models but it is more like acting a part rather being a part of this one person show. All I see are scripts that seek to manipulate its viewers to believe that what they see on the screen, and in the work environment, is real. It leads to the idea that learning and playing your role is paramount to the success of the business. This movie script may be uplifting and inspiring for the viewers but limits the range of talents, thoughts and emotions of the actors. Success is equivalent to being typecast and I am beginning to reject the kinds of roles I’m getting.

I suspect the world, in general, is suspicious of people who refuse to fit some corporate character or business model. I think they see empowered people as difficult to control. They have thoughts that don’t fit neatly into the corporate screenplay. Empowered people have passion that once ignited cannot - and will not - be ignored. They seek to share this energy and these ideas. They will actualize whatever their passion in spite of themselves and others. They cannot conform to job descriptions, personality types or typical corporate hierarchies because to do so would be to cut themselves off from the very power that gives them a purpose and life. They become natural leaders and role models and convince others, by the very power of their convictions, that they too can follow their own path. These people are often seen as dangerous and difficult when they express their ideas – especially if they are women.