"To live is so startling, it leaves little time for anything else."
- Emily Dickinson
Ain't Emily right? I'll admit I'm startled. I'm at a time in my life where my faith in God, the path that I'm supposed to take and my role in life are all uncertain. I feel lost in a different kind of way. Lost in thought and lost in feeling because I'm coming to terms with all the consequences of a life unlived in one sense and too well lived in another. At the time of this writing I am:
1. Trying to dealing with the death of my father from chronic alcoholism.
2. Trying to resolve the deaths of my husband's mother and stepfather.
3. Integrating lessons I've learned being sober (almost 20 years now).
4. Still struggling with normal.
5. Struggling trying to support my husband through his own problems.
6. Married for one year (enough said).
7. Trying to find my new role in my extended family (a.k.a Granny).
8. Trying to figure out what it means to be a wife.
9. Trying to relate to being a "stepmom".
10. Working to accept that I'm good at this writing stuff.
In these struggle there are many funny moments and many moments of pain. I hope to capture as much as I can of both. There's nothing worse than reading line after line of grief and nothing better than having a good laugh. In the middle of it all lies my sanity. If I don't write this I don't know what in the world I'll leave behind. There may be no offspring. There may be no fame or fortune but there can be my words for anyone who might like to read them.
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